indeed it would appear i've had a rather lengthy needle rammed through the muscle in my mouth. the pain now has numbed from aid, but the hunger in my stomach hurts more anyway. i cant post this on facebook as my dad now has it and might freak at me, which would be as expected and predicted. he mustn't know aha.

it has snowed

and snowed

and snowed

and is supposed to

snow a little more.

i dont really mind, i enjoy the sleep. ive slept through the most of it.

smoked the rest away, cant be any good for an open wound i guess, dont care.

and now of all times i come home and i

cant sleep, wont sleep

its god awful

and as much as id love to deny it forever i think its the lack of a certain someone beside me that simply upsets my mind & body, subconsciously perhaps. who knows? i dont, all i know is i cant rest. or be bothered with capital letters and full punctuation, not tonight. not this morning.

new york soon, i have to get a new passport and a vast amount of money in a very short time, looking forward to it? not really.

i wish

i wish i had money

lots and lots of ££££££££££££££££

fuck my job, it doesn't pay like i thought it did

i wish money didn't matter

not one tinyyyy bit

christmas has lost it's joy now.. and i never thought i'd say that

but i want to show the people i love

that

i

love

them

and there's so many things i wanna adorn them with

that i

simply

can't

afford.

sucky times

love love love

because i love you

i guess

i'm really glad that i'm an only child. I really don't take well to people breaking my things, accident or not.

sourpuss

sourpuss

sourpuss

ps.

give me a chance to be a different person..?

i really don't know

what i want anymore/
maybe i'm just too tempremental for my own goodness GRACIOUS

i miss normality and having something/anything solid in my life
i miss
i miss
i miss


you know who i miss, and there's more than one
maybe that's karma - that's why.
i'm a bad-minded person
i neeeeed it
to distract myself
i'm sick to death of trying
trying to make it work
whatever IT is
i hate it
i despise it
i want to be enlightened
inspired
i want i want i want
because i'm SELFISH
am i? maybe i am
maybe that's not the worst thing in the world
for once.

i want help from higher hands
i want to be younger again
erase responsibility
fuck this
this is not what i signed up for

I NEED MY LIFE BACK
sick of
sick of tryin to stand on my own two feet
sick of
sick of making a mess while i do
sick of
sick of hurting and hurting others
sick of
sick of coping
lorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd i am selfish
so be it

what more can you take away
i challenge you to make it more difficult
C R U S H M E
i might not even feel it.

I DARE YOU